I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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