i just google imaged poop.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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