can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just gargled with NyQuil
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
