Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
