please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
