So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
