I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
