____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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