he wants to bone in the snuggie
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
