You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
