Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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