I could have mohawked her pubes.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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