We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
