I think im going to throw up on grandma
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
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