some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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