New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
