I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
