Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
