You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
