no one should ever give us hovercrafts
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
