sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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