The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
