people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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