the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
