Someone shit on the floor
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You made out with two different species that night
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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