i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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