Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
