I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i dont even know how to be here
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
