I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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