I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize