i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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