Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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