these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
