sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
