Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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