I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
