I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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