apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
