Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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