Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
you didnt know i had herpes?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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