Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
