omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
