Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
