i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
