whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize