i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I supernannyed him into submission
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
