I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Randomize
