my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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