I think i peed on brittanys purse
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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