I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
