sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
