i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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