if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
