i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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