I cockslap morals
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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