I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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