My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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