Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
