just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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