How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
