I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
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