I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
