So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
