just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
