I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
