the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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