i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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