Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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