So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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