Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
