We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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