if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
