Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
