the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
