My nipple is on Facebook.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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