textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
