Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
